(320) Cats are shady + links

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(why doesn't this damn cat look more delighted?!)
Welcome in 2018. If you hoped that maybe things will get a bit less insane around here, well allow me to kill those hopes. But it's not my fault.
It's his fault.
Kinky Cutie Pie Boo's.
Shall we begin?
Even for me Inside Llewyn Davis livetweet has gotta be some sort of a record. 30+ of absolutely no substance tweets filled with me wondering how is Oscar Isaac's face possible and proclaiming I'm getting pregnant. Highlights:
In my defense - his hair. his eyes. his beard. AND MOTHER OF GOD THE SINGING.
I already bought the soundtrack but I'm legit afraid to listen to it. It's too much. I'm going back to work on Monday, when I listen to it on my way there I will just straight up die.
I really liked this movie a lot. The cinematography was gorgeous, the singing was....I'm still hyperventilating and I really liked the story and how the Coens approached it. But Carey Mulligan in that film...what a bitch!
Also I am certain after seeing this movie that Oscar Isaac is an angel that for some reason was banished from Heaven and fell on this shitty planet.
I'm guessing he was banished for being too good at sex.
That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
From IMDb trivia - "Oscar Isaac actually strongly dislikes cats; he once received an infection from a cat bite.". Dude, fuck that cat! How dared it?!
Here he is telling that story. His timing is just amazing. Can we just put him on stage and he just tells stories and plays guitar and sings? Pretty please?
I'm with boo, by the way, I always thought cats are shady.
On Friday I watched The Two Faces of January:
That was a really good movie! I'm not a big fan of Kristen Dunst and she did nothing here to impress me but Viggo and Oscar were both great. The whole thing kept reminded me of Talented Mr. Ripley if Mr. Ripley was opposite of the shitty asshole that should be ejected into Sun Matt Damon and that opposite is Oscar. It's not weird that I was reminded of that film as this one was based on the novel by the same author. The film looked lovely too and it was very entertaining.
On Saturday I saw Mojave which was shit:
However at one point of it Oscar was running around in pink speedo. First of all, is the person who made that gifset OK or is he/she still unconscious? Second of all, this thing had absolutely no plot and was so stupid and annoying but just for that speedo moment I gave it 1/5 stars.
I also saw The Bourne Legacy:
How dare they? They had this guy there and they just nuke him and leave people with Renner. He is a fine actor but this is like....opening with the promise of fine dining and then sending people to Pizza Hut before they even started eating. It's like that sketch Gosling did on SNL where they thought it was a fancy restaurant but it wasn't.
God...boo boo...in that sweater....what a waste.
I also watched Ex Machina and that was terrific. I was so into it that I didn't even perv much on twitter but yes, the whole fucking film I was imagining being his slave robot.
Man, do I have issues.
To illustrate my issues - near the end when he was walking around and grunting after getting stabbed I almost blacked out.
Oh my God:
If Annihilation has a sex scene with him that is as epic as this dance scene..oh sweet death I welcome you.
The most coherent and longest livetweet of the week was The Promise:
While the film was mediocre and Christian Bale was seriously sleepwalking through it, Oscar was incredible in this film. Also it was pretty standard war epic and since it was the first big film done about the subject - the genocide of the Armenians during the war - it's really odd it's not playing well in Oscar season. I know it premiered in spring and it didn't get greatest reviews but according to imdb trivia it got celebrity support. So how the fuck is the kid from CMBYN getting nominated and Oscar is yet again getting snubbed left and right?
Also Tom Hollander was in this for like 3 minutes. He just showed up and then used dynamite to blow himself up. What I'm saying is that he was grossly underused.
I said that in livetweet but Chris Cornell recorded a gorgeous song for this movie that is actually eligible for Oscars. You know, the least they could is nominate it.
I also watched 10 Years which nearly ended me. He played a rock star and the movie is set during high school reunion he attends among other students played by Justin Long, Channing Tatum, Anthony Mackie, Rosario Dawson and sadly, Chris Pratt. He is hanging out the entire movie with Kate Mara's character who never heard his biggest hit and who is convinced he didn't remember her. And then he gets up on stage and it turns out his biggest hit? Yep, it's written about her.
I could attempt to describe the state I was in watching this, but I think there are no words. The word "MESS" doesn't even come close here. I legitimately started crying. It's such a lovely scene and his singing....an angel. You guys, he is an angel.
I cannot believe he says things like that:
Laura Dern and the interviewer lady were just dying there.
Meanwhile I was on the floor, breathless, watching this.
Also look at this. Damn, Laura is acting like I'd be acting.
Let's take a moment to appreciate the way he looked during TLJ promo tour.
*sighs*
Oh God.
I think he may be the only man on the planet that actually looks better without the beard. Of course we are talking about divine levels of being handsome as it is, beard or no beard, but just look at that gifset above. That's just ridiculous.
I legit have been looking at that gifset for like 2 minutes here.
Why?
WHY?

href="https://twitter.com/lady_sati/status/946762586892185600">WHY?!

and one more of him being a cutie.

He also wants to have a dance battle with Sam Rockwell (by the way Sam is hosting SNL next week and I'm so psyched).

and also he says things like that (which is his comment on how his character dies in Ex Machina and also thank you Anna for just fucking me up further and further and sending this stuff to me):

(look at that nod on the last one.)

(ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF, SIR? ARE YOU?)

("Certainly wouldn't hurt"? There are just...no words)

He keeps doing stuff like this. Watch this. It's amazing that he doesn't acknowledge that he just made an innuendo that sent women into coma, probably. He doesn't look at the camera. He doesn't chuckle. He just acts like what he said is the most normal thing in the world. And then actually looks around the room, smiling.

This is the most ruthless thing I've seen in my entire life.

Does this remind you of someone? Someone cute who makes innuendos? Who makes a world a more joyful place with their kinky remarks while being adorable?

If there were forces on this world....beyond our comprehension...we would be moaning this world to doom right now. if 2018 is going to be happier for me that scenario would happen. This is all I'm saying. I mean it's not all I'm thinking but it's all I'm saying.

But wait...

...it gets worse:

*throws hands up in the air*

.....

.......

.........

*sighs*

Let's just talk about movies...

(He is out there talking about that? oh God...have I found my soulmate?)

(his...his...Oh. My. God)

No, but seriously let's not even attempt locating my underwear and my brain and just talk about movies....

(his "schlong"...)

NO, SERIOUSLY....

The Florida Project. I am absolutely puzzled by all the praise and people saying how moved they were by this movie. Maybe it's because I don't like kids. I'm probably not having any of my own ever so I don't have to. And that film is basically kids running around being kids for 2 hours. Willem Dafoe is also in it, being a nice motel manager. And is that really what they are giving him an Oscar for? Oh, come on.

The Disaster Artist. That was fantastic. I loved it so much I actually watched it twice in the row. The film is hilarious but also very heartfelt. I watched The Room just before watching it. What the hell was that thing?! It really is insane how bad it was and also I think the reason it has cult status is that people don't talk or act in real life like they do in that movie. It's like someone trying to do a timeless classic and profound story but what came out is a low budget porn and not even a good one. And the story of someone making this film is just such a good material for a movie and Franco really made a great film here. He is also incredible in the lead role and Dave Franco is great too. I also really enjoyed, as always, Seth Rogen and this is the most I've ever been impressed by Zac Efron who is on the screen for maybe 3 minutes but he is an absolute laugh riot. The sequence where they are watching the movie and the audience is laughing is masterful - there are so many hilarious line deliveries like Rogen's "who doesn't recognize this guy?!" but at the same time Franco portrays the heartbreak of an artist experiencing the audience laughing at his work so well - that sequence is constant mixture of funny and moving. It was outstanding. Also as evidenced in "Smile, it's Friday!" below the line "I need to show my ass to sell this movie!" has real potential to become a famous quote. Seriously if I could, I'd give Franco an Oscar just for this delivery:

Also the movie has killer soundtrack - Good Vibrations and Rhythm of the Night are so well used especially with the latter used again in the end credits with Franco as Tommy singing along

Call me by Your Name. Yet another boring, pretentious movie starring that kid. Good Lord. Is it all because Brokeback Mountain didn't win BP? So now the Academy and other award bodies are gonna nominate/hand over wins to LGBT films that are mediocre? This was nowhere near Brokeback or Pride levels. So boring and Hammer and the kid shouldn't even get nominations for this. Nobody should, actually.

After this I watched 2016 release Miss Sloane. I loved it. The script was terrific and it was so refreshing because it avoided doing so many things you would expect to happen in a movie like this. There's also a great twist that I didn't see coming at all. The cast was amazing and Chastain delivered one of her best performances to date there. This really shows you how bullshit these awards are because I skipped it last year basing that decision solely on the fact it only got 1 Golden Globe nomination. And I watched it and goddamn, it's a spectacular movie.

I also saw Stronger. I don't think any fangirls on this world suffer as much as Jake Gyllenhaal's fangirls. This guy is either in creepy movies or he stars as people who are suffering. He was fantastic in the movie and if I were him I'd be insanely pissed off that SAG and HFPA nominated that kid for having sex with a fruit and sniffling in one scene instead of him.

I also watched Geostorm. Why do I do those things to myself?

Bright (livetweet). That wasn't as bad as critics were saying but it's still a mess. For David Ayer's film it's actually one of his better ones - it's not as boring as Fury and not as much of a nightmare as Suicide Squad. The cinematography is really nice, the world building is pretty cool and Smith and Edgerton have great chemistry.

I also saw season 4 of Black Mirror minus Metalhead episode but apparently I am not missing much there. I think it was the weakest season - Hang the DJ was a rip off San Junipero and Black Museum of White Christmas and neither was as good as those. Arkangel was a mess and Crocodile was just all over the place. But I did absolutely love USS Callister and it's definitely one of the greatest episodes of the series for me. Jimmi Simpson is such a gift. His delivery of "oh my fuck!" had me laughing so hard.

Margot Robbie and Tonya Harding on the cover of new issue of THR. I really hope Margot wins the Globe this Sunday.

Both Gal Gadot and Christina Hendricks are presenting on Sunday. RIP m.brown.

I ain't watching live this year again. I will probably see the ceremony on Monday but I'm too old for this crap. I know Hugh would be there but it's not enough for me to stay up all night anymore. I think yet again the only thing I'll watch live is the Oscars.

Razzie awards longlist. mother! is there. Aronofsky will be delighted if this actually gets nominated which I'd hate because that film is so mediocre and doesn't deserve all that attention.

Logan got WGA nomination today!

Here's Hugh Jackman trying to catch rabies.

Jon Bernthal covers this month's issue of Esquire. The article about him is just fascinating. I had no idea he almost killed a guy and faced jail time. Also I had no idea this is how you calm a pit bull down. Man, that is some vivid imagery right there. Such a great read and the photos are gorgeous.

Goddamn what is happening with Colin Farrell?!

Cate Blanchett was chosen as Cannes jury President so naturally all the movie fans are celebrating today.

So everyone has their resolutions for new year. I'm not having any. I just have wishes. Actually just one. To have someone to go to movies with me. So I don't sit there alone during TLJ eyefucking a married man. If by 2018's end I at least get that? That's a win.

*no, but really...*

*whispers* schlong.