The 25 Worst Movies of 2016

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During the 2016 Dellies, I told you I would let you know what I thought were the best movies of that year. I will. You just gotta wait a little longer. That's because, as usual, I have to let you know what where that year's worst movies. I do this so I can close out my thoughts on 2016 on a positive note. Let's get through this together.

The 25 Worst Movies of 2016

25. 100 Streets

This is one of those movies with seemingly unrelated characters and converging story lines. Parts of it sorta work and threaten to be a really good movie. Unfortunately, the rest of it falls flat. Really flat. It's saving grace is that star Idris Elba is also one of the producers and, as such, he's really giving it all he's got. Too bad it's not in a better film.

24. Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Full confession: I am a Tim Burton apologist. And I was so ready to see a film from him not featuring Johnny Depp in white makeup and a terrible wig (foreshadowing). What I got was not worth the wait.

23. Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life

The whole thing is a collection of cliches and feels like a rejected script from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid franchise. The twist at the end is more inspired than the rest of the film, but even that's been done, and done better, by other films. (My Quick & Dirty review)

22. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice

All of the flaws of this movie would be covered up if the story could maneuver itself from point A to point B without falling on its face. Rather than smoothly sailing from the beginning to the end, it's thrown to and fro by a violent storm of ineptness. (My full review)

21. The Huntsman: Winter's War

Whether or not we needed this sequel is debatable, but it did the right thing before it even started filming. It removed the first movie's weak link, Kristen Stewart, and decided to focus more on the more charismatic Chris Hemsworth. Makes sense. Unfortunately, it somehow resulted in a worse movie.

20. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

Since Out of the Shadows is a sequel it's able to fully embrace its Bayisms without having to take the time to introduce our heroes. So yeah, more jokes, more action, more of the camera revolving around its subjects seeming to only change directions when vertically surveying the body of a twenty-something young woman dressed as a high school girl. And Michael Bay didn't even direct! (My Quick & Dirty review)

19. Dirty Grandpa

I'm also a Robert De Niro apologist. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by sitting down to watch this one. And...uh...it's painful to watch. It goes out of it's way to be a raunchy comedy. It has raunch in spades. It didn't land the comedy, at all.

18. Boo! A Madea Halloween

Let's gather up a bunch of YouTubers with little to no acting experience and throw them into a Madea movie about Halloween. The reality is about as bad as that sounds.

17. The Divergent Series: Allegiant

The third film in The Hunger Games Lite series stalls, sputters, stumbles along for 2 whole hours and mercifully kills this ill-conceived series.

16. Alice Through the Looking Glass

I already mentioned that I'm an apologist for Tim Burton. You know what I'm not an apologist for? Knockoff Burton. That's precisely what this is. It takes all the terrible parts from the divisive Alice in Wonderland and makes a movie out of them.

15. Cabin Fever

The original movie of the same name is hailed as a cult-classic by some. It's gory, morbidly funny, and slyly intelligent. This remake is gory, but neither of the other two things.

14. Ghost Team

Imagine if Ghostbusters were given a more real-world setting. Also imagine it starring Jon Heder, aka Napoleon Dynamite. While you're at it, throw in Justin Long playing way against type. It'll be great. Or not, because this is not.

13. The Forest

The movie gives us a roller coaster feeling, but not in a satisfying way. The opening act provides the initial rickety ascent. The second act, clearly the best, provides the thrill of that first drop. The third act tries to send us hurtling into a lightning loop and keep the thrills going, but the ride stalls and can't turn the trick. (My full review)

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12. The Legend of Tarzan

This is a case where they tried to do so much more with the character than others have, but somehow wound up doing less. And the whole thing about his gorilla brothers, I get what they were going for, but no.

11. The Weekend

You know those movies where bumbling idiots come across a bunch of money they shouldn't have, spend it, then find out it belongs to some really bad guys who want it back? This is exactly that, but way worse than most of the rest since the jokes aren't funny. None of them.

10. Birth of the Dragon

Bruce Lee is an icon. One of his real-life fights helped build his legend. A movie about it sounds like a great idea. The execution? Sigh. Imagine telling this story from the point of view of a fictional white guy and make it about him fetishizing and trying to rescue a random, and also fictional Chinese girl who is a victim of human trafficking because Chinese. Unfortunately, you don't have to imagine it because that's exactly what this movie does. (My full review)

9. The Perfect Match

There is simply nothing there. The film just does things it has seen other movies do, but not nearly as well as even the average ones. This renders it a collection of rom-com clichés without any of the weight behind them that made them popular tropes in the first place. (My full review)

8. Assassin's Creed

Honestly, I'm confused as hell. There are a few really nice action sequences, but I spent the entire two plus hours wondering what in the name of Playstation was going on. (My Quick & Dirty review)

7. How to Be Single

Let's start with Bridesmaids. To throw people off that scent, let's make it about a woman trying to find her guy. Now, strip everything funny from it and replace it with the worst excuse for humor possible. And cast Rebel Wilson as a Melissa McCarthy knock-off. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, How to Be Single.

6. The Disappointments Room

We're gonna make Kate Beckinsale depressed from the death of her child and stick her in a haunted room by herself. Okay, I gave it a shot because Underworld. Sadly, it comes off as generic, derivative, and any other synonym you can think of for lazy. And boring. Can't forget boring. By the end, the movie's title referred to my living room where I watched it. (My Quick & Dirty review)

5. Meet the Blacks

Being a minority often means taking ownership of pop-culture items that represent you. Here in 2018, that's been demonstrated by the phenomenons known as Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians. You have to draw a line somewhere. For me, it's at this wannabe parody of The Purge. Nope, not claiming this one.

4. London Has Fallen

Gerard Butler returns to save London in this sequel to Olympus has Fallen. As if it knows its story is even dumber than the original, the film doesn't much bother with it at all.That might be okay, but unfortunately, it is essentially one long, loud, and somehow, very boring action sequence.

3. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

This one's probably my fault. By that, I mean I watched this one despite never having seen the first. I honestly had to look at Wikipedia as I'm typing this to remind me what it's supposed to be about. And yeah, whatever. I'll not bore you with that. You know what I do remember about this movie? It's allegedly a comedy, but I didn't even crack a smile, let alone laugh.

2. The Angry Birds Movie

For a movie meant for kids, this one is awfully crude. I know lots of kiddie flicks are, but this one surpasses most. It goes beyond fart jokes and general toilet humor right into specific toilet humor, like long close-ups of a bird's stream of urine as he pisses in the water. Crassness aside, most of the jokes don't quite work and the story is simultaneously predictable and all over the place, if that makes sense. The two sides never come together to form a cohesive whole. (My Quick & Dirty review)

1. Warcraft

Like My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2, this one is probably my fault. I sat down to watch this without having played one minute of the video game it's based on. In fact, I knew nothing about the game at all except that it exists. That was definitely a wrong move. For the uninformed like me, it's completely indecipherable and tedious as counting a vault full of pennies by hand, one by one.

To be honest, I did see some other movies that should probably be on this list. However, they made me laugh so much I liked them...