(379) You could cut the sexual tension with a knife + links

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First of all, amazing news! The website is about to cross 3,000,000 pageviews! Thank you guys for continuing to visit and reading my nonsense! You guys rock and I'm so sorry for all the brain cells you lost because you read this stuff.
OK now onto the events of the week...
I am not even that into Cooper but after seeing that Shallow performance during the Oscars I'm pretty sure I'm carrying his child.
Holy shit.
Bradley actually directed that.
You know those rumors he might be gay? Well, if he is, then he is the GREATEST ACTOR ALIVE.
And if he isn't and Irina and him are for real she totally burned his shit that night.
Goddamn. I don't even look like that at Jason and Zac. I didn't watch the ceremony live and only saw Shallow performance on the bus on my way to work on Monday and I cried and my vagina AND my wig flew out of the window.
I'm still bald and vagina-less.
I really think Irina is gonna Gone Girl him. BCoop, you are in danger, gurl.
Bradley is probably still sleeping on a pile of ash (that used to be his stuff) in front of the house because they sent Gaga to speak to Kimmel.
They are releasing A Star is Born in United States with additional 12 minutes of footage AND a new song.
And here is the honest trailer for the movie. That last bit in 'starring' made me laugh so damn hard.
Jason during rehearsals in his Hawaiian shirt!
And here are his Oscars looks. He took his shirt off for the party! MY GOD!
I love how twitter freaked out about the scrunchie on his wrist and thought it was his accessory. He wears that scrunchie all the time. Except when he is washing it. Which I sincerely hope he does.
Also Lisa claimed that this was a Karl Lagarferd suit. I know that suit. Jason wore it many times before. So sure, it may be Karl's suit but it's something Jason dug up for this and not a new piece.
This chick is lucky Lisa didn't murder her right there and then.
Here's my livetweet of The Oscars.
Gaga's speech was so extra and oh my God at Jennifer Hudson looking like she was about to leave her body.
Gaga backstage, this was exactly what I looked like after I saw their performance.
Olivia Colman's win was shocking and someone brilliantly captioned the nominees reactions. Her speech was absolutely adorable and it was lovely how the audience gave her a second standing ovation after she gave it. It was so genuine and sweet.
Here's Chadwick's reaction to Green Book win. There should be a Chadwick cam during all the events he is attending not to miss any awesome "can you believe this shit?" looks.
I loved Amy Adams and Charlize Theron's dresses:
The rest of the fashion was tragique. All the pink dresses were hideous and Linda Cardellini's outfit looked like it was about to become sentient and attack everyone.
These comments from Reddit's Oscar thread made me laugh so hard.
Glenn Close brought her adorable dog to Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday (1,2,3). Perhaps she should have done so to the Oscars for good luck.
As part of Captain Marvel marketing there is the livestream of Goose!
I saw the whole thing. I even livetweeted it.
Fuck you, I'm fine with my choices.
Look at this. This is what it's all about.
And here's Jason being awesome and supporting Brie!
I caught up with The Big Bang Theory (yes, I'm still fine with my choices) and Joe ManJello was on last episode. It was really funny because the girls and Raj kept freaking out about Magic Mike.
New trailer for Detective Pikachu. I completely lost it when he said "get me the HELL out of here".
Hilarious video of Ryan Reynolds talking about how he went method for the role.
There's also a new trailer for The Lion King.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the box office giants of 2019!:
International trailer for Us. This looks almost unbearably unnerving.
As you know by now if you read this website even semi-carefully, my most anticipated movie in 2019 is Midsommar and we are finally getting some marketing for it (1,2).
The trailer drops on Tuesday! Expect a whole post about it when it does.
How the hell am I supposed to stay alive till January 2023?
Tragique new trailer for The Dark Phoenix where they actually spoil a major thing but 1. it's not something you couldn't figure out on your own before this trailer 2. I hate that actress so bye gurl 3. they clearly don't even care at that point. If they announce this isn't even going to be released in cinemas and will be dropped on VOD instead I will not be surprised.
Slightly less tragique trailer for Hellboy.
Our first look at Deadwood movie! Everyone is all about GoT but this is gonna be so much more awesome.
We live in the world where Lady Stoneheart is not on Game of Thrones at all but fucking Grey Worm gets a damn poster.
I watched Vox Lux and that was really good, particularly the interesting structure of the film and the cinematography. Portman was...unique. I have absolutely no idea what she was doing with her accent. She played a 31-year old American woman and she sounded like a 60-year old Sicilian mother of five. I swear, I thought she was about to make pasta for Joe Pesci and the rest of the Goodfellas.
I also saw Disobedience. I had no idea that Jewish women are also the subject to such extreme misogyny. They have to wear wigs to hide their hair? What?! Both Rachels were great but the script was sub-par to their efforts. Not to mention the whole story was infuriating.
And of course I watched Serenity. Sweet God. I can understand why the cast decided to appear in this movie (hey, they filmed in nice locations, Matthew is always high so I don't think he is ever aware what he is signing up for and Anne probably loved the idea of playing a femme fatale), but how the hell did anyone write this stuff? Forget about the twist, this film has absolutely no logic. None of the scenes made any sense. Like for example, Diane Lane would never have to pay for sex. And isn't Matthew a bit too old to play a gigolo? I mean sure, I would pay him but we all know that 1) I am special 2) I would probably just use that time to ask him about Zac.
They worked together again. Yeah - this is coming.
I am already scared.
But let's face it what we should all truly fear is my inevitable livetweet of that Ted Bundy movie.
Netflix is probably dropping it during the fall (come on, get those nominations Zac!) but we should mentally prepare ourselves already.
Hollywood is so irresponsible.
SO irresponsible.
Those of you who checked my post soon after I published it saw the epic typo where instead of "Ted Bundy" I wrote "Ted Bendy". What's next? "Ted bend me"?! Why is Hollywood doing this to me?!
I mean maybe it's not gonna be that bad because I heard shit gets HORRIFIC near the end and Zac really brings it and is super scary, so hopefully it will be hard for me to tweet kinky stuff, but come on, the first 80% of it will probably render my twitter borderline criminal.
Am I gonna be on the news?
Oh God.
I'm gonna be on the fucking news.
So it has been a while since I properly livetweeted something but I sure made up for it over the weekend. To your joy and delight, I'm sure.
First, as promised, I livetweeted The Greatest Showman.
Apparently they are working on a sequel. Hopefully, this time it's gay porn and both Zac and Hugh will be shirtless because if not then what is the even the point?
But as fun as that livetweet was it had nothing on my Saturday livetweet of The Lucky One.
Oh my God.
That was a movie that should be an example for all the romance movies starring a handsome actor because the shit they had Zac do was unreal.
He played a marine. He had a dog. He got a job at a dog motel (I swear this dog motel was nicer than most human motels!), so he was adorable with multiple dogs. He washed the dishes. He repaired stuff. He took care of a kid. He drove a motherfucking tractor. He called all the women "ma'am". He played a piano. He took a gun from the bad guy. He saved a drowning child.
I was SHOOK. Look at all the typos:
I swear I wasn't typing with only one hand.
When he finally kissed the chick and said "you should be kissed every day, every hour, every minute" I stood up, saluted my TV and almost collapsed.
And then when they finally banged, it kept going for like 10 minutes. I almost messed up my jaw cause it dropped and I couldn't close my mouth the whole time this was happening.
If Jason made a movie like this I would be DEAD.
I'd be explaining myself in Hell right now trying to get a place in less horrific Circle of it, instead of bringing you another RF.
I'd be GONE, my dudes.
I then rewatched Baywatch because fuck my brain right?
And then the next day I rewatched Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates because let's set fire to what's left.
I may die tomorrow.
On that cheerful note I will leave you now and happy weekend to all!
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