Shark Zone

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Streaming Movie-***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion (or other commenters), that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! Forget the Auto Zone, get into the Shark Zone!

Shark Zone – 2 out of 5

I’m sure glad there is no shortage of shark movies because they are my jam! There’s almost always a good time because they are usually bad and often have terrible production value and lousy actors. Recently I sat down with the extremely generically titled 2003 Direct-to-Video Shark Zone. The title alone promised cheesy shark action and that’s what it gave me!

That's a zone made of sharks if I've ever seen one.

As a young man, Jimmy Wagner (Dean Cochran) and his father (Alan Austin) are taking a group of divers out to a sunken ship to look for treasure. Unexpectedly, a group of great white sharks come and ruin the party and kill everyone but Jimmy. Ten years later, Jimmy is asked by the mayor (also played by Alan Austin) to patrol the beach for sharks in order to prepare for an upcoming festival. Jimmy is still struggling to get over the loss of his dad and just wants to live a normal life with his wife Carrie (Brandi Sherwood) and son Danny (Luke Leavitt) but after he refuses the offer of finding the treasure on the ship where his father was killed, a shady businessman by the name of Volkoff (Velizar Binev) kidnaps Jimmy’s son and forces him to dive and find the treasure. Now Jimmy must save his son, stop Volkoff and kill some sharks!

"This plan is flawless. First I gotta fake my death..."

"...and then I become mayor. And my son is too stupid to notice. I'm literally standing
right in front of him and saying this out loud."

The thing I love about shark movies is that 99% of them are absolutely atrocious. They all are terribly put together, have almost no real knowledge of sharks or even underwater mechanics and are often filled with very low quality talent. And that’s why I love them. 9 times out of 10 they are so bad that they are fun to watch. That still won’t mean I give them a good score but understand that my 2 out of 5 comes with the caveat that they are still fun as shit to watch. Shark Zone proved to be one of those examples.

The wet suit means he's flavored like blue raspberry.

Our hero...who sadly gets out-acted by fake sharks and
stock footage.

Shark Zone is super low budget and relies heavily on stock footage of great whites for a lot of its shark attack sequences. These are not well edited into the action and

the disjointed feeling would be distracting if I was watching this in hope I was going to see the next Jaws but, due to my expectations, I just found this comical. To add to the accidental humor, for close up shots where stock footage just will not work, the production does have a fake shark…emphasis on the “fake” part. Not a lot of money was put towards this thing but the real selling point of it all is that it only has a single line of teeth on both its upper and lower jaw. One of the defining traits of a shark is the amount of teeth in several rows in its mouth and the prop department couldn’t bother to replicate this. This really isn’t that much of a surprise since the production decided to have “roaring” sounds to all the sharks as well so they weren’t really aiming for accuracy here.

Is that a bubble or a piece missing out of this fake shark?

From a story perspective, this whole thing comes off as a mess. It involves sunken treasure, great whites roaming around in packs with no desire to hunt and only an eye for straight up murder and there’s some sort of Russian man who is willing to murder a child to get some diamonds from the bottom of the ocean. Why are these sharks acting this way? Who the hell knows? The film never covers this or really develops or dissects anything within its story and that is just another part of its magic. To put it bluntly, the story is incredibly dumb and it is filled with moments that only make sense if you are half-paying attention.

"Run, we're about to be attacked by stock footage!"

Finally, there are the performances. Being a low-budget film, my expectations aren’t high and, since it is a low-budget shark movie, I’m actually hoping for awful performances and this one delivers. In fact, there only seems to be two ends of the energy spectrum on display here. You have the lead, Dean Cochran, who, bless his heart, is giving his all but sometimes his intensity is out-right laughable as it doesn’t fit the atmosphere of the scene. And then you have the likes of Velizar Binev as the criminal character who is delivering all his lines in such a low, slow monotone voice that I had to wonder if he just came out of surgery and the anesthesia hasn’t worn off yet.

His charisma and passion just explodes off the screen.

There’s also the fact that there doesn’t seem to be an ounce of chemistry between any of the performers and that ends up equaling a husband and wife having a very wooden relationship and two father and son relationships that both come off like the dad secretly regrets sticking around for the kid and hides his resentment behind emotionlessly saying “I love you.” But, like all bad aspects in this film, this element that would normal destroy a film’s entertainment value is only something that works in a low-budget feature and makes it worthwhile.

This is just a dream sequence but, holy shit, I would watch the HELL out of a shark
movie that was about a stupidly large shark that lived in a small pool on a cruise ship.

Shark Zone is a poorly constructed film that barely even has a basic understanding of ground level story structure. There’s no suspension or tension, no intrigue—it’s just word salad in the form of a shark film and that’s the charm of it. It’s a bad movie but that one that is deeply enjoyable and fun to watch. It’s essentially the perfect B-flick to riff on and laugh at and have your own Mystery Science Theater 3000 night.