Critters Attack!

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Streaming Movie-***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion (or other commenters), that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching! I guess the very weak title should have been a warning sign.



Critters Attack! – 1 out of 5

When I heard that 2019 would have both a new Critters movie and a Critters television show (if you can even call it a show because the episodes were less than 10 minutes long), my initial reaction was questioning why on earth a studio would go to such a lame property to resurrect and my second reaction was, “Seriously?  Another movie?  Hasn’t there already been too many of them?”  For some reason, I thought there were a lot of Critters films but, as it turns out, Critters Attack!is only the fifth film in the franchise.  Coincidentally, it’s the fifth film in the franchise that was a piece of crap.  In case, you haven’t guessed it, I didn’t like this film nor do I think very highly of the Critters franchise.

Fascinating.  By using blank license plates that are devoid of any state identification
the viewer can imagine that the action is taking place anywhere in the world.
Brilliant!

I need to point out that there are several times the group
is trying to tell people about the Krites and no one will
listen...and Trissy literally has Bianca in her backpack.
SHOW THEM THE GODDAMN ALIEN!!!
Drea (Tashiana Washington) gets a gig babysitting for a college professor and drags along her brother Phillip (Jaeden Noel), who believes he saw a UFO arrive the night before.  Well, it turns out he is right as those pesky little Krites have arrived again (maybe again, I’m not sure because there’s no real continuity with this franchise).  While babysitting the quiet Jake (Jack Fulton)—he only communicates while texting—and Trissy (Ava Preston), Drea takes the kids to the park and finds a harmless creature they named Bianca but soon find that Bianca’s counterparts are much less benevolent and very much want to kill and eat everything that they can find.  

x-small;">Critters has always been accused of being a Gremlins ripoff.  Bianca is basically
Gizmo so they are no longer denying the thievery anymore.

I will preface this review by stating that I think the Critters movies are pretty dumb—BUT, I think there is an entertainment value in them because they are so stupid.  They’re basically good for an laugh and are easy to riff on.  Sadly, this film doesn’t have these qualities.  While it is good for a nice Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment, this positive only exists because the film is pretty hard to get through due to lackluster performances, a story that feels like it was written over the course of an hour and never given a second draft, and some pretty weak monster moments.  

This is pretty much the level that all the acting comes in at.

As illustrated in a previous picture, the Krites are capable
of punching (or eating?) their way through a trunk
of a car but you never see any of them able to bite
through weak human flesh.  They just latch on and
wiggle a lot.
Basically, Critters Attacks! has all the problems of a low-budget, Direct-to-Video feature and it’s hard to overlook them due to its thrown together story.  The acting feels phoned-in, the practical effects look and feel cheap, the editing, camera work and lighting feels subpar but all these are nothing compare to the film’s barebones and almost amateurish writing.  I don’t sit down with a Critters film expecting brilliance but there is a certain bare minimum standard you want to see in your film and Critters Attack! couldn’t even muster the strength to do that.  You are basically watching Drea and the kids running from one place to the next for an hour and the film tries to act like that is somehow plot progression and development.  At the very least, this time could be used to give the characters some depth or treat the audience to memorable kills by the Krites but this never happens.  Hell, at the very least some of this time could have been taken out and replaced with sequences that develop the character of Aunt Dee (played by the mom from E.T. Dee Wallace—who was also in the first Critters film as a different character).  Who is she?  All we really know is she has a futuristic gun and is hunting Krites.  The apathy and the lethargic nature of everything about this film is almost insulting as an audience member and it really feels like the sole reason this film was made involved some legalities with the ownership over the rights.  

You are hunting a small, rolling creature?  Better bring a large, heavy and
very difficult to wield weapon.

There’s pretty much nothing about Critters Attack! that makes it a working or even remotely watchable movie.  Sure, it can be used for a laugh or two but even riffing on it is exhausting as your riffs just become you yelling out all the times the film lacks internal logic.  Hell, the laughs don’t even come from the movie and this is supposed to be a horror/comedy but, instead, all the jokes are at the expense of the product.  The acting is serviceable but nothing about the performances are memorable, the Krite kills lack imagination and feel entirely lazy, and the story feels like it was made-up on the spot as production started.  Honestly, is Crittersthat loved of a property that it was worth having this farted out feature made? 

Link Souce

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