2020 So Far...

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By Waiching

2020 so far has been a remarkable year for me; it's not as terrible as last year was, on a personal level. Well, yet, anyway. When relatively good news intersects bad news for somebody else or the rest of society, it sends mixed signals, but also feelings. Subjectively, 2020, on the outset, things have been rough with the pandemic, the lockdown measures, being an essential worker and working whilst having anxiety issues and depression, so the lockdown and COVID-19, the pressure at work I'd say, has affected my mental health and has at times caused me a deal of distress. I entered the year with open arms and optimism and with a clean slate and with no preconceptions or notions of how it would turn out, but for one thing, workwise I had on my mind: growth, as well as development, advancement and change, but still doing the same tasks as I usually do. I never once anticipated that we'd be in the midst of a worldwide pandemic or a pandemic that has gotten worse to this day, and with no vaccine in sight, at this moment in time. If you told me at the beginning of the year the world would succumb to a pandemic that, none of us knew anything about last year, has become chaotic, I would have thought, 'it's not going to get as bad as the months go on'; when in fact, it is still killing people and we have no vaccine. 

You just want this to come to an end - I want this to come to an end; that I deplore and shake my head when people say there is no vaccine for COVID-19, and people will continue to die and we will all contract it. It's doom headlines such as this that kind of rattled me a little bit and made me a feel little down by how worse it gets every week. A lot of people are burnt out by this, a lot of us want to be done with 2020 straightaway and for December to come along quickly, so we can see through what has been an unbelievable and wretched period. I've lived for almost 40 years, experienced so many lows, as well as highs in my time, and as a whole, 2020 is a top contender for being the worst year on record (as of currently we have surpassed half a million deaths and closing in at nearly 15 million COVID cases) and in recent years and will go down in living memory as the most desolate one as well. It is deeply sad to think of what this year has now become, and how it seemed to deteriorate and pile on the misery, one step at a time. It started out okay (that, and we had a staff winter party in Feb), I was happy and I was in good spirits- but then, after that, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it all went straight to hell in March when Coronavirus exploded, and things haven't been quite the same ever since and there have been times where I have struggled to make sense of things as they stand, due to the pandemic. It was and is not the year I expected, never mind wanted, although personally, I have managed to focus on doing my work, doing my best and not get involved in petty and silly arguments with other people. Almost half-way through to 2020 until it ends, I just don't see things getting any better or things improving. When the dust settles, for many or some of us, it is the external factors, more so than the internal and personal ones, that have succumbed 2020 to a place where history should record how most of its misfortunes, woes and tragedies, were self-inflicted.  

''we are now living in a digital age where whatever happens around the world, very quickly if not instantaneously becomes amplified...so that would only contribute to our sense that it's a terrible time. The way we experience these events is much more graphic and intimate... and so that, in my view, can only make it seem like 'my God, all these things are happening to us collectively, it seems like it's here in our living rooms'' - Romin Tafarodi, associate professor of psychology (University of Toronto) 

2019 was eventful and rough, but also a challenging, testing time that brought about strife, arguments, fallouts, an exodus of people quitting my department at work (some of whom joined a few months ago) and lots of other awful things that happened and one where I was most unhappy. I will say I had some highlights, but the lows, for me, exceeded the highs (which, for me, were going to Hong Kong, Madrid and Porto and the positive comments from members). It was a year to forget the bad, but which makes 2020 the year of grievance, and the loss of a year that I thought was going to make amends for the previous one. So far, it hasn't happened. This was supposed to be my rebound year - my year of resurgence, of bouncing back stronger than ever. Yet lockdown and COVID-19 put paid to all of that. 

So much has happened externally; natural disasters, Coronavirus, police brutality and the death of George Floyd by racist police officers, the handover of Hong Kong to China prompting large scale protests, demonstrations and scenes of violence, as well as the death of two countries, two systems and the world's economies crashing down. Travel restrictions placed in Italy, U.S, Spain and across the globe during COVID-19. When we look back at 2020 when it all ends, it will be called the coronavirus year, as it has been nothing but that on everyone's minds. The year of doom and gloom. 

Subjectively speaking, halfway through this dreadful year, the pandemic is never going to ease up, - & until a vaccine arrives, we won't be seeing the end of this. I'm just focusing ahead on Christmas and getting presents, as well as looking forward to 2021 with grand plans and significant goals: planning on going on holiday and getting out of the UK next year with visits to Barcelona/Malaga, Rome for my 40th Birthday and Hong Kong next summer on the horizon. Most of us still do. So, it looks like I am writing 2020 off and hoping that next year I intend to bounce back with vengeance. 

If 2020 was a defendant tried in court, the jury will unanimously plead it ''guilty'' of all charges and sentenced to life imprisonment with no parole. & I'd send 2019 to it as well. 

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