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***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion (or other commenters), that's fine. To each their own. These reviews are not meant to be statements of facts or endorsements, I am just sharing my opinions and my perspective when watching the film and is not meant to reflect how these films should be viewed. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 0-5. 0, of course, being unwatchable. 1, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being great and 5, being epic! And if you enjoy these reviews feel free to share them and follow the blog or follow me on Twitter (@RevRonster) for links to my reviews and the occasional live-Tweet session of the movie I'm watching. Mom, mom, watch me dance! Were you watching?
C Me Dance – 0 out of 5
If you’ve followed my blog long enough, you know I love bad movies and you know I love Christian propaganda films. They are some of the best examples of accidental comedies in existence. And I’m not dunking on Christianity because of my atheism but rather their movies tend to lack creativity and often are accompanied by a victimhood mentality that is hilarious (and kinda sad). When a low-budget, amateur production and a Christian-based story collide, I am all-in with whatever product they’ve made. I can’t remember how I discovered C Me Dance (although, most likely it was a trailer on God’s Not Dead or one of its two sequels) but the trailer really sold me because it looked cheesy and dumb…but fun! Well, I sat down with the Christian feature and it is the perfect film for the riffing!
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| "What do you think, folks at home?" |
A young girl named Sheri (Christina DeMarco) dreams of becoming a dancer. However, after she collapses while practicing, her and her father Vince (Greg Robbins, who is also the writer and director) discover she has a rare blood disease that is incurable. Upset, Vince asks God to help her so that she can fulfill her dream. Well, God answers his prayers and gives her the power to make people see the face of God…however, the Devil (Peter Kent) is out to stop her and prevent her from using her new powers.
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| 85% of the film's budget were those contact lenses. |
C Me Dance is a really, really bad movie…but it is a lot of fun to watch. It is the type of film that is perfect for Mystery Science Theater 3000-type of night with your friends—but seriously, don’t do that right now. We are in a pandemic and we all need to do our part in slowing the spread of the virus. That being said, the film hits all the checkpoints of top notch riffability. The production is super low budget, the acting is awkward as hell, and the story is so goofy and amazingly problematic from a religious standpoint. All of it comes together to make something that is horrendously bad but still easy to laugh at and have some fun with.
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| Total normal way to hold a person. |
From a production standpoint, this film is really poorly made. It has some incredibly awkward editing as scenes just kinda start and stop with no real transitions or even a remote feeling that they are connected to what came before and what is coming after. The camera work is basically a “point and shoot” style and has nothing about it to really make any sequence standout, so the most “momentous” scene looks and plays the same as the most needless. Additionally, there is no real sense that lighting was even a consideration. Finally, the actress playing Sheri is always edited around during the dancing sequences because it is clear there is a dancing double. If you see the dancer in a full body shot, the room is kept dark so you never see her face and the rest of the time you either get Christina DeMarco from the waist up or you see shots of her from the waist down. Since actual acting didn’t seem to be a requirement for the film, I kept wondering why the production just didn’t make the dancing double the character of Sheri. Or maybe the actress was doing the dancing and the production just wasn’t capable enough or talented enough to actually showcase the actress dancing without feeling like there was a double? Who knows?
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| They are dancing to the Christian version of "WAP." Which stands for "Worshiping the Almighty, People!" |
Now…the story. It is absolutely ridiculous. Also, it is a bit problematic when you think about it from a religious standpoint. Sheri is given powers by God in order to spread the word of Him and convert people to Christianity. Here’s the problem: No one is given the option over whether they want to convert or not. At first, her touch makes people “see God” and they stop being bad people and become good Christians but, very quickly, this is completely abandoned and just her speaking makes people mindless drones who unquestionably worship the Christian God. The film is accidentally making the argument that free will is a lie and that, at any second, God could send one of his minions to brainwash you.
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| "Hi! Guess what? You're all Christians now thanks to the dark magic bestowed upon me by our benevolent lord!" |
This also accidentally makes the Devil the good guy in the film because the Devil isn’t really doing anything but telling Sheri to stop what she is doing. He isn’t attacking her or hurting her. He is, admittedly, stalking her and getting into her bubble as he speaks to her but all he is doing is telling her to stop using her powers. He is basically sticking up for the population’s right to free will and freedom of choice. Completely by accident and by the hubris of belief, this film made Sheri a villain who feels you don’t deserve to find a higher power through a personal journey and “soul searching”—or even the right of denying the existence of this higher power. Nope, you are powerless and will just have your brain completely washed when she gets to you.
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| "Seriously, just stop. This is incredibly manipulative. Even I can see that." |
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| I'm going to believe that she was approached to do this movie while at a church picnic and promises of Kevin Sorbo costarring was made. |
The cast in this one is, honestly, awful. There isn’t a single line that is delivered in a believable way and everyone feels like they have no clue on how to showcase feelings in a realistic way. DeMarco can never figure out what level to deliver her character as she is always either way too big or way too small. Peter Kent as The Devil isn’t really doing much beyond flatly deliver a line or two and just stands around. Finally, Greg Robbins is probably the most consistent actor in the feature. Sadly, his consistency is flat the entire time. However, going into a low-budget film of any kind you kinda expect really weak acting. And when the film is a Christian feature that is almost definitely containing people the production gathered from their congregation, you are going to get weak acting on a truly epic level!
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| The dad is totally in a Journey cover band. A Journey cover band that Jesus-ups Journey's songs. |
C Me Dance is almost definitely going to work for the most devout of believers…and, honestly, probably the most ignorant, arrogant, and definitely the most intolerant of believers. The whole “being forced to believe what I believe” will speak to them. They’ll ignore how poorly made, terribly acted, and how shitty the entire construction of the film is. The very problematic nature of the story will be completely ignored. For people like me or those who love bad movies, this one is terrific, easy to laugh at, and fun with how truly terrible it is.
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